Is Self-Sabotage Deciding Your Future For You?

Ah, self-sabotage. The old “friend” that creeps in just when we’re about to make a big change. Its goal? To keep us exactly where we are.

The truth is, the scariest thing self-sabotage can interact with is growth.

Because growth means change. And change means stepping into the unknown.

Why We Self-Sabotage

First, let’s release the shame around it. Self-sabotage isn’t proof that you’re lazy, unmotivated, or broken. In fact, it’s your mind’s way of trying to protect you.

This part of you says:

“WAIT — you’re rocking the boat! You’re doing something new, and that’s scary. What if we fail? What if we embarrass ourselves? Better not shake the status quo too much.”

Those are valid fears. Change is uncomfortable. Doing something new will feel unfamiliar.

But here’s the reframe: self-sabotage isn’t an enemy. It’s a signal that you’re on the edge of transformation.

My Experience with Self-Sabotage

For me, self-sabotage has shown up in so many ways:

• When I started my business, I played small. I didn’t tell people what I was working on, because hiding felt safer than risking judgment.

• When I changed my habits, I found myself sneaking back into old patterns — staying attached to versions of me that no longer fit, simply because they were comfortable.

• When I began finding my voice, I softened my truth to fit into the mold others had set for me, instead of standing fully in my power.

Every time, I could feel that pull: like I was on the edge of a major breakthrough, but part of me wanted to run back to the familiar.

Have you ever felt that way? Like you’re about to step into something bigger, but fear whispers that it’s safer to stay the same?

The Deeper Truth

Self-sabotage isn’t just fear of failure. Sometimes it’s fear of success.

What if I really step into my power?What if I become the person I dream of being?What will happen to my relationships, my identity, my sense of belonging?

We’re not just scared of falling short. We’re scared of who we will become when we stop holding ourselves back.

How to Break Through

Here’s what I remind myself (and my clients):

1. Name It Without ShameThe moment you notice self-sabotage creeping in — procrastination, downplaying your goals, slipping back into old habits — pause. Say to yourself: “This is fear talking. This is my mind trying to protect me.” Naming it diffuses its power.

2. Connect to Your Future SelfClose your eyes and imagine your highest, most expanded self. How does she act? What choices does she make? What energy does she carry? Then ask: Does this self-sabotaging behavior move me closer to her or further away?

3. Reassure the Part That’s ScaredRemind yourself: “I can do hard things. I am still loved. I am still me. Growth is safe.” When the scared part of you feels soothed, it quiets down.

4. Take One Brave StepDon’t focus on the whole mountain. Focus on one small, courageous step today. Progress builds safety.

A Loving Reminder

When you catch yourself sabotaging your own success, remember:

You can do hard things.✨ You are safe in your new identity.✨ Leveling up is allowed.

Don’t stand in your own way. Give yourself permission to outgrow the parts of you that no longer serve you.

Self-sabotage may knock at your door, but it doesn’t get to decide how you live. Growth, freedom, and authenticity are waiting for you.

You got this. And every time you choose growth over fear, you’re coming home to your truest self.