5 Mindsets To Adopt To Make Accountability Feel Authentic

Kathleen Nower
Jan 27, 2023
4 min read

Updated: Sep 11

Accountability with Heart

For as long as I can remember, accountability felt like a battle I was constantly losing.

I’d set goals with the best of intentions: wake up earlier, meditate every day, move my body, write consistently. And for the first day or two, I’d be all in. But slowly, my energy would drop. The sticky notes on my bathroom mirror would blur into the background. The reminders on my phone became easy to swipe away. I’d tell a friend to check in on me, or I’d sign up for something with a financial commitment, hoping that money would force me to follow through.

None of it worked. At least, not in a way that felt meaningful.

Because what I was chasing was external accountability — pressure, reminders, deadlines — without ever asking myself the deeper questions: Why am I doing this? What’s underneath this goal? Does it even belong to me?

The truth is: real accountability doesn’t come from outside of us. It grows from within. When we connect inward, when we anchor into our highest, most authentic selves, accountability stops being a chore and starts becoming a path toward freedom.

Here’s what I’ve learned about creating accountability that lasts:

1. Get Excited By Your Why

Most of the time, we think accountability means willpower. White-knuckling our way through the uncomfortable parts of building a new habit. But willpower fades quickly if the habit feels empty.

Instead, get clear on your why.

Write it down:

“I’m doing (habit) because (bigger vision), and it will make me feel ____.”

The energy isn’t in the habit itself — it’s in what the habit leads to. For me, journaling every morning wasn’t about the notebook or the pen. It was about creating space to hear myself again, to tune into my own voice instead of everyone else’s. That bigger picture is what kept me showing up.

Your why should make you feel alive, inspired, lit up. Think Elle Woods deciding to become a lawyer — that blend of excitement, determination, and possibility. That’s the fuel accountability needs.

2. Begin at the End

Here’s the hard truth: sometimes we hold ourselves “accountable” to goals we don’t even want.

I’ve had clients come to me with goals like “run a marathon” or “wake up at 5am every day.” But when we dig deeper, they realize those weren’t their goals at all — they were what they thought they should want, because of what they saw online, what a coach told them, or what society praises.

But “shoulds” have no power.

Lasting accountability comes when the habit feels aligned with your highest self. Imagine your most expanded, vibrant, free version of you. Does this habit move you closer to her? If not, let it go. Accountability feels heavy when it’s built on someone else’s blueprint. It feels lighter when it’s rooted in your truth.

3. Don’t Fake It

We’ve all heard “fake it till you make it.” Honestly? I think it’s BS.

Pretending only gets you so far. Real growth requires honesty. If you’re working on confidence, you don’t need to paste on a smile and force yourself to play a part. You need to connect inward and build confidence from a place of authenticity.

Lasting change isn’t about performing — it’s about becoming.

Accountability that sticks comes from showing up as your whole self, not a version of you that you think others want to see.

4. There’s Freedom in Discipline

One of the biggest shifts for me was realizing that accountability wasn’t about restriction. It was about liberation.

When I decide on a habit that feels aligned, I take the choice out of it. Instead of negotiating with myself every day — Do I feel like it? Should I skip it just this once? — I commit. I tell myself: “For one week, this is non-negotiable.”

That simple act of commitment freed up so much mental space. No more bargaining with myself, no more decision fatigue. Just showing up. And in that showing up, I found freedom: freedom from guilt, from doubt, from the constant back-and-forth in my head.

5. Ditch Comparison

Comparison is one of the fastest ways to derail accountability.

I used to scroll and think: She’s doing more than me. She’s further along. Why even bother if I’m behind?

But here’s what I know now: there’s no one-size-fits-all habit, and there’s no timeline you’re supposed to be on. What matters is that you’re building something that feels authentic to you.

Let yourself be inspired by others if it sparks joy. But always return to your own voice: What feels right for me? Trust that you know the answer.

Closing Reminder

Accountability isn’t about perfection. It’s about alignment. It’s about choosing goals that feel like you, committing to them with love, and remembering that discipline can be a doorway to freedom.

Most importantly, it’s about self-connection. Because when you’re anchored inward, accountability stops being a burden and starts becoming an act of self-love.

And if you’re in the middle of it right now — showing up for yourself, even when it’s hard — I want you to remember this:

I know it’s hard, but it’s bringing you closer to your highest, most expanded, freest self.

I’m so proud of you for choosing change. Every step you take is a step home to yourself.

With Kathleen

5 Mindsets To Adopt To Make Accountability Feel Authentic

Accountability with Heart

For as long as I can remember, accountability felt like a battle I was constantly losing.

None of it worked. At least, not in a way that felt meaningful.

Because what I was chasing was external accountability — pressure, reminders, deadlines — without ever asking myself the deeper questions: Why am I doing this? What’s underneath this goal? Does it even belong to me?

The truth is: real accountability doesn’t come from outside of us. It grows from within. When we connect inward, when we anchor into our highest, most authentic selves, accountability stops being a chore and starts becoming a path toward freedom.

Here’s what I’ve learned about creating accountability that lasts:

1. Get Excited By Your Why

Most of the time, we think accountability means willpower. White-knuckling our way through the uncomfortable parts of building a new habit. But willpower fades quickly if the habit feels empty.

Instead, get clear on your why.

Write it down:

“I’m doing (habit) because (bigger vision), and it will make me feel ____.”

Your why should make you feel alive, inspired, lit up. Think Elle Woods deciding to become a lawyer — that blend of excitement, determination, and possibility. That’s the fuel accountability needs.

2. Begin at the End

Here’s the hard truth: sometimes we hold ourselves “accountable” to goals we don’t even want.

But “shoulds” have no power.

3. Don’t Fake It

We’ve all heard “fake it till you make it.” Honestly? I think it’s BS.

Pretending only gets you so far. Real growth requires honesty. If you’re working on confidence, you don’t need to paste on a smile and force yourself to play a part. You need to connect inward and build confidence from a place of authenticity.

Lasting change isn’t about performing — it’s about becoming.

Accountability that sticks comes from showing up as your whole self, not a version of you that you think others want to see.

4. There’s Freedom in Discipline

One of the biggest shifts for me was realizing that accountability wasn’t about restriction. It was about liberation.

When I decide on a habit that feels aligned, I take the choice out of it. Instead of negotiating with myself every day — Do I feel like it? Should I skip it just this once? — I commit. I tell myself: “For one week, this is non-negotiable.”

That simple act of commitment freed up so much mental space. No more bargaining with myself, no more decision fatigue. Just showing up. And in that showing up, I found freedom: freedom from guilt, from doubt, from the constant back-and-forth in my head.

5. Ditch Comparison

Comparison is one of the fastest ways to derail accountability.

I used to scroll and think: She’s doing more than me. She’s further along. Why even bother if I’m behind?

But here’s what I know now: there’s no one-size-fits-all habit, and there’s no timeline you’re supposed to be on. What matters is that you’re building something that feels authentic to you.

Let yourself be inspired by others if it sparks joy. But always return to your own voice: What feels right for me? Trust that you know the answer.

Closing Reminder

Accountability isn’t about perfection. It’s about alignment. It’s about choosing goals that feel like you, committing to them with love, and remembering that discipline can be a doorway to freedom.

Most importantly, it’s about self-connection. Because when you’re anchored inward, accountability stops being a burden and starts becoming an act of self-love.

And if you’re in the middle of it right now — showing up for yourself, even when it’s hard — I want you to remember this:

I know it’s hard, but it’s bringing you closer to your highest, most expanded, freest self.

I’m so proud of you for choosing change. Every step you take is a step home to yourself.

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